Dreams

Dreams... I have them too. They plague me nightly. They swarm in on me as soon as I fall asleep, and relentlessly tear through my mind until I wake. Always, they are of pain, loss, suffering, and violence. They often feature those people who are in my life. The cast is an unpredictable rotation through the night, or from one night to the next. These dreams make me loath sleep, though, they have become the only companion that I can count on every night. their fidelity is unsurpassed. Because of them, there is no rest in my sleep. I wake more exhausted than I was the previous night.

Dreams... I know them too well. The word is usually associated with optimism and hope for the future. I know the ugly truth behind the facade. It's a false promise to lull you into a false sense of security, only to crush you from the inside out.

Hollowed Man

I walk around empty, eviscerated, with nothing inside that gives any comfort or lets me know. I can see my reflection, hear the rustle of my clothes as i move, or the sound of my shoes on the pavement when I walk, all indications that I am here, moving through the day to day. But, I feel none of it. Detached, I see it all through a remote feed.

I have very little interaction with others on a personal level. I have no use for any of it, and no one has a use for me. They might think that they do, until they get close. Then I start rotting them from the inside out, without fail. The smart ones cut and run, out of self-preservation. The ones that don't wither away, or smash themselves against me and break into pieces.

Each time they take a little more of me with them. Each time there is a little less of me left. Each time I have less to give to the next. The cycle is continuous, feeding on itself. My awareness does nothing to help me break it.

As my inside empties I become more resolved. My edges become harsher, sharper. I become a more effective tool for others to break themselves against.

I will continue to walk these streets in search of something to fill myself back up with. I yearn to be whole. I don't know if I have it in me, though. I might have been born lacking some key component, and will stay broken and hollow forever.