walking... talking...

Walking down the stairs of the parking garage. The stairs are narrow and concrete. The concrete echoes back every noise. The girl walking in front of me is walking so I can’t get by. She’s not very big; the stairs are just that small. She is talking on her phone. Her conversation surrounds me. She puts the phone against her shoulder and holds it there against her ear. She takes out a new pack of cigarettes, packing them as she walks down the last section of stairs. She pulls the foil and cellophane off and drops them both on the ground. There is a trash can two feet behind her at the base of the stairs.

In my head I have a thousand conversations with her. Telling her how ridiculous she is. In my head I yell at her until she cries. I explain how underpaid people work hard to keep the grounds clean. How she is so caught up in her small world of banal phone calls and cigarettes that she can’t see. People like her never see. It is my job to illuminate her. She is humiliated into going back and picking up her trash. In my head this all happens over and over in a second.

I can’t bring myself to say anything to her. Right now it’s beyond me. It doesn’t seem like it would be worth the energy. She wouldn’t take anything away from it. I keep my head lowered and walk past her. I’m free of her, her conversation, her slothfulness, and it only cost me two pieces of trash.

I don’t get people. I don’t understand the lack of respect and their self-absorbed blindness. They drain me. This is why the walls are up and the gate is drawn. Why the headphones stay on even if the batteries are dead. Why the sunglasses are the last to come off. Why I stare you down. Why you get out of my way. This is why my friends are found on vinyl and on pages.

There are a few people who help you get through the day. They aren’t many. Most people aren’t worth a damn. Maybe someday that girl will find someone who will throw her down like a piece of trash, showing her the same consideration that she seems to operate with. We all need that.